You Should Never Visit Venice

What else can be said by Venice, a city that is visited by millions of tourists every year, where in summer, the canals get more crowded than American stores on black Friday or a Romanian Lidl when there’s a flash sale on toilet paper (you can’t make this shit up!). By now you must have heard, read and seen all the pictures of the Italian city. But has anyone ever told you why you shouldn’t go? *sticks out red umbrella in front of large group* Follow me!

I mean, everybody knows Venice is ugly

Look at all those canals! Who could even like so much water, what are we, fish? And what’s with all these old buildings? Where are all the glass towers and skyscrappers? Venice is boring, a very boring city! And don’t get me started on those gondolas, where are all the cars, the traffic lights, who doesn’t miss traffic jams and all those lovely lovely honks?

It’s too crowded, it’s impossible to find a quiet place

Obviously, only tourists go to Venice. Hence it’s a crowded and dirty city. As a traveler, a real globetrotter, you hate crowds and queues so you avoid the masses by skipping it altogether. Everyone knows there isn’t more to Venice than St Mark’s Square.

There’s absolutely nothing to see in Venice

Forget St Mark’s Basilica and Doge’s Palace, what else is there to see in Venice? That’s right. Nothing. You can climb St Mark’s Campanile (bell tower) to see….what exactly? More old buildings and water? Please refer to the first point, what are we, fish?

And the food is horrible

Sure, there are some good restaurants in Venice, but everyone knows these are only for locals, no one speaks English and they just try to rip you off. You know where the food is safe? McDonald’s. But for that you’ll have to venture into the unknown, away from St Mark’s Square. Hmm….better go somewhere else!

There are cats and dogs everywhere! Awful!

In churches, in boats, in restaurants and museums. You can see cats and dogs everywhere. Such an awful sight! Not to mention all those pesky seagulls and pigeons, always looking for food. If you see one, you need to run for your life.

Just look at this vicious cat!
A dog! In a church! Blasphemy!

It’s obvious there’s no way you will like Venice!

Obvioulsy.

So obviously you need to book another destination. Or maybe you’ve figured out from my tone that I’m joking (please don’t tell me you’ve only read the title and the headlines!) and actually realized you need to book a trip to Venice as soon as possible 😉

What do you think about Venice? Awful, isn’t it? 😉

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  • Oh man, I really miss Italy… Need to book a trip back there ASAP!
    Lovely photos by the way, you’ve really managed to kickstart my wanderlust once again 🙂

  • World Journeys

    well you convinced me! Ill steer well clear of venice!

  • First things first: your photos of Venice are lovely.
    I dont hate Venice, or even dislike it. Visually, every corner really is gorgeous. There is plenty to do, and gondola rides were actually fun despite being a cliche. BUT… maybe because I visited it during the last week of August, and also when the Venice Film Fest was taking place, but the crowds were INSANE. If you didnt have insidery info on the best eats (and it was in the pre-travel-blog era) then you were likely eating something subpar and WAY overpriced (my bf and I spent nearly 3 times on our average lunch on Venice than we did in all other spots). By the end of the trip, which included Florence, Rome, Pisa and Cinque Terre, Venice was the least favorite spot for both of us.

  • I just got back from Venice and I totally agree with you 😉 Nothing to see there! I swear Venice gets a bad rap. I feel like some people dislike Venice just to dislike it. I mean there’s no other city like it in the world. People complain that it smells, it’s crowded, it’s hot etc. but if you go during peak season in the summer, what do you expect? Go to London in August and it’s just as crowded (trust me)! #citytripping

  • haha I love your sarcastic tone! I seriously need to go back. I went before (with the wrong boyfriend) and we didnt even do a gondola ride! It was hot and muggy and I was a poor college student. Time for a redo!

  • jennifuchs

    Lol. My 6 year old saw a postcard of Venice and now he really wants to go there! #citytripping

  • Brilliant Vlad. When I first started reading it I was: ‘Is he mad?!’ I’ve been twice and I don’t think I could ever tire of wandering the canals and streets. And we found it to be empty at night! Thanks for linking up with #CityTripping

  • I went to Venice many years ago, and wasn’t too enamored by it, but your lovely photos makes me think I should give it another go, and soon!. Thanks for sharing #theweeklypostcard

  • Beautiful photos, hilarious post 🙂 #theweeklypostcard

  • Lyn – A Hole in my Shoe

    Yup so awful… hehe If it’s not too late let’s keep this place to ourselves!

  • Yea, sure, like anybody will believe you, Vlad. Especially after looking at these gorgeous photos. I really miss Venice.

  • Anisa Alhilali

    Haha, yes I was hoping when I saw the title you were joking! I love Venice too. My favorite thing in Venice is the bridge of sighs, it just really spoke to me. I went many years but I really want to go back with my boyfriend. Thanks for sharing on #TheWeeklyPostcard

  • I can’t say that you have made out your argument terribly well. You have certainly made me want to visit Venice – again – lol.

  • wherejogoes

    I’ve never been to Venice and must admit your post on the perils of Venice put me off – NOT! It looks just as amazing as I imagine it, I love your canal photos #weeklypostcard

  • Hilarious! We’ll be sure to steer clear from here on. I mean, seen one kinda pretty building you’ve seen them all, right? Thanks for sharing your pictures – shame you didn’t get any good ones – and your warnings with us on #TheWeeklyPostcard!

  • Even though your title and headlines are sarcastic, they are true to some extend. But your pictures tell that everyone should visit Venice at least once.

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  • I laughed so much reading this! I am sure Venice would be fine once you escape the area where tourists congregate. Wonderful pictures!

  • Ted Hawkins

    Agree. Northern Italy is one great tourist trap, sarcasm or no. Get away from the main places though and there are some nice spots, expensive but nice.