You Should Never Visit Venice

What else can be said by Venice, a city that is visited by millions of tourists every year, where in summer, the canals get more crowded than American stores on black Friday or a Romanian Lidl when there’s a flash sale on toilet paper (you can’t make this shit up!). By now you must have heard, read and seen all the pictures of the Italian city. But has anyone ever told you why you shouldn’t go? *sticks out red umbrella in front of large group* Follow me!

I mean, everybody knows Venice is ugly

Look at all those canals! Who could even like so much water, what are we, fish? And what’s with all these old buildings? Where are all the glass towers and skyscrappers? Venice is boring, a very boring city! And don’t get me started on those gondolas, where are all the cars, the traffic lights, who doesn’t miss traffic jams and all those lovely lovely honks?

It’s too crowded, it’s impossible to find a quiet place

Obviously, only tourists go to Venice. Hence it’s a crowded and dirty city. As a traveler, a real globetrotter, you hate crowds and queues so you avoid the masses by skipping it altogether. Everyone knows there isn’t more to Venice than St Mark’s Square.

There’s absolutely nothing to see in Venice

Forget St Mark’s Basilica and Doge’s Palace, what else is there to see in Venice? That’s right. Nothing. You can climb St Mark’s Campanile (bell tower) to see….what exactly? More old buildings and water? Please refer to the first point, what are we, fish?

And the food is horrible

Sure, there are some good restaurants in Venice, but everyone knows these are only for locals, no one speaks English and they just try to rip you off. You know where the food is safe? McDonald’s. But for that you’ll have to venture into the unknown, away from St Mark’s Square. Hmm….better go somewhere else!

There are cats and dogs everywhere! Awful!

In churches, in boats, in restaurants and museums. You can see cats and dogs everywhere. Such an awful sight! Not to mention all those pesky seagulls and pigeons, always looking for food. If you see one, you need to run for your life.

Just look at this vicious cat!
A dog! In a church! Blasphemy!

It’s obvious there’s no way you will like Venice!

Obvioulsy.

So obviously you need to book another destination. Or maybe you’ve figured out from my tone that I’m joking (please don’t tell me you’ve only read the title and the headlines!) and actually realized you need to book a trip to Venice as soon as possible 😉

What do you think about Venice? Awful, isn’t it? 😉

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